My last final is tomorrow and let me tell you something my anxiety has been through the roof lately! I don’t think my hands had ever really stopped sweating since yesterday. At school yesterday I felt so incredibly done with it all. I felt like a zombie. I probably looked like one too. Tomorrow I have my hardest exam so my anxiety is actually increasing by the second. Fun times.
I’ve been feeling like I’m going a bit insane since yesterday. You know what’s awesome? Having an anxiety attack while taking a test, it’s so much fun. I like to laugh it off though, I’m just so done with this semester. The amount of pain this semester has caused me is astronomical. I’M SO DONE. The Attack on Titan OVA came out and I want to watch it so badly, but I can’t until tomorrow because of my Linguistics final. I keep seeing pictures from it and I want to watch it so badly! LEVIIIIII LET ME LOVE YOUUUUU
I finally got the diabolik Lovers ost to listen to. It’s amazing and I highly recommend it. My favorite thing about that anime was the music and this little brat.
At least I have good music to listen to while studying, because that is essential. Oh and I just realized today, because either I misheard or wasn’t paying attention, that my Ling final is comprehensive. For some reason I was under the impression it wasn’t until I looked at my review for it and realized it was covering everything. Luckily I think it’s going to be mainly stuff that we’ve been recently learning, but I was seriously hoping there wasn’t going to be any phonology and morphology on there. I hate that stuff so much.
I also have to meet with my advisor tomorrow. This is the first time I’ll be meeting him, so I hope he’s nice. Another thing to add more anxiety and stress to my life. As if I needed more. I can’t wait for all of this to be over.
Oh and my birthday is next week…..what do I want…..I KNOW
Yes I’ll take one Kuroko, which I don’t think is too unreasonable. Okay bye for now, good luck to everyone who also has finals this week. I’ll leave you with this amazing picture of Levi, because Levi deserves to be on this post.
I’ve been stuck inside for the past 3 days because of this
I live in Texas the place where it never snows, well it isn’t really snow more like ice. The roads are all iced over and it’s too cold to go outside. So I haven’t even been outside in 3 days. I’m usually outside a lot. I like fresh air and getting some exercise. I find being outside very calming. Being stuck inside is not my thing….here’s how it went
I did this 40 anime question thing during school today because I was bored, so yeah...here it is
1. What is your #1 favorite anime?
2. Has an anime ever made you cry?
-Yes, several have such as Anohana and Angel Beats.
3. What anime made you laugh the hardest?
-Hmmm probably Gintama
4. If you could make a spin off of any anime what would it be?
- I want a spin off of Attack on Titan about Levi. I know he has his own manga, but I want an anime version.
5. List your top 5 anime
- I love too many anime, I can’t choose a top 5.
6. List your top 5 anime OSTs
- 1. Kuroshitsuji
2. Kimi to Boku
3. Attack on Titan
7. Have you ever watched an entire anime series in one sitting?
- No, I like to savor my anime
8. Who is your favorite anime chatacter?
- Probably Gintoki
9. Name an anime character you absolutly hate
- Momoi Satsuki, she’s annoying
10. What is your favorite moe anime?
11. What is your favorite drama anime?
12. What is your favorite romance anime?
- Lovely Complex
13. What is your favorite comedy anime?
- Isn’t this kind of the same as what anime makes you laugh the most? The answer is the same, Gintama.
14. What is your favorite action anime?
15. What is your favorite harem anime?
- The World God Only Knows, I don’t know if that counts as a harem anime, but I’m going to say it does
16. What is your favorite ecchi anime?
- I don’t like ecchi
17. What is your favorite mech anime?
- Zoids, best mech anime ever
18. What is your favorite drama anime?
-Wait…wasn’t this #11? See #11.
19. What is your favorite slice of life anime?
- Kimi to Boku
20. What is your favorite adventure anime?
- I don’t know, what would be categorized as an adventure anime?
21. What is the first anime you ever saw?
- It was either pokemon, sailor moon, or digimon.
22. You get to have a harem of 6 anime characters of your choice. Who do you choose?
- I’m going to do a reverse harem. My ultimate reverse harem would be…Gintoki (Gintama), Kamui (Gintama), Kuroko (Kuroko’s Basketball), Ukitake (Bleach), Hijikata (Hakuoki), and Ichijou (Vampire Knight).
23. What is the most times you’ve rewatched an anime?
- Twice for an entire series, but I do rewatch certain episodes and parts of anime that I really like over and over and over.
24. Name 1 anime you wish everyone would watch
- Mawaru Penguindrum
25. What is an anime you regret watching?
- School Days
26. You get to have 1 anime character as your waifu/husbando in real life, who do you choose?
27. Which anime character are you most like?
- Tomoko Kuroki
28. Do you watch a new anime series because you think it will be good, or because it’s popular?
- I watch an anime series based on if I think the description looks good or not.
29. Has an anime’s fanbase ever made you hesitant to watch an anime?
30. How many anime episodes is ideal for you?
31. Have you ever watched an anime series with over 23 episodes?
32. If you could make a game for an anime of your choice what would it be and why?
- An Otome game with Gintama guys, because I want to win their hearts and date them obviously
33. Would you watch an anime with over 100 episodes?
-Yes, I’ve seen 2 series with over 100 episodes and I’d start another one. It doesn’t bother me.
34. Have you ever watched an anime only because you liked a specific character?
-If I don’t like the characters, I don’t watch the anime.
35. Have you ever dropped an anime, if so why?
- I’ve dropped lots of anime, I watched around 3 episodes and decided it wasn’t for me
36. In your opinion, what makes a good anime?
- Amazing characters, good characters make or break an anime
37. Name a popular anime you love
38.Name a popular anime you hate
- Kill la kill
39. Is there an anime you wish was more popular?
- No because once an anime gets popular it gets bashed a lot and that’s not cool
So yesterday was terrible, but all Tuesdays are terrible. However, this Tuesday was the worst one yet. On Tuesdays I stay at school for 12 hours so they suck a lot. I’m always feeling really depressed on Tuesday because of this. Well yesterday I had a Korean vocab quiz and I needed to study my vocab, but I couldn’t concentrate. I started to panic because I was going to fail my quiz if I didn’t study my vocab. This led to massive amounts of anxiety. I felt overwhelmed with stress and I just wanted everything to go away. I had taken a psychology test the day before, and I have 2 tests on Thursday and my ling homework due, so all of this was really getting to me. The fact that I couldn’t concentrate to do any of the work wasn’t helping either.
My vocab quiz was in 30 minutes and I was having a serious anxiety attack. There was no way I was going to be able to take it. If I even tried I was sure to fail. I also had a skit presentation in Korean as well and I wasn’t ready for that either. So I had to skip class and miss the vocab quiz. There was no way I was going to class in that state. The only things I could think at the time was, why is this happening to me? I was annoyed by the whole thing. I didn’t want to miss class and I especially didn’t want to miss my vocab quiz. But you have to live with that life gives you. I also missed my psych class yesterday as well, it was a freaking bad anxiety attack.
That night while I was still at school waiting for my brother, I started to get another anxiety attack. My head was hurting so badly it felt like someone was hitting it with a hammer. I was about ready to cry, but luckily my brother got done with class and I was able to go home before that happened.
I now have to deal with trying to make up that vocab quiz. I emailed my professor and I really hope she lets me come in on Thursday to take it. I see no reason why she shouldn’t let me. If she doesn’t then, whatever, the lowest grade gets dropped so I guess it’ll work out. Of all the days I could have missed it had to be the vocab quiz day, of course.
Sometimes stress just overwhelms you and this is what happens. It build up over time and then explodes. I’m feeling much better today and I’m able to concentrate on my work now. Even though I have a lot to do on today and tomorrow, I feel like I can do it. I have to take what life gives me and go with it. One terrible day and a missed vocab quiz isn’t the end of the world. Everything will keep moving forward and life will move on. I will have terrible days like that, but I just have to take them and keep my head held high. To make things better I bought myself a new 3ds game and it should get here on Friday so that will be my reward for making it through today and tomorrow. The weeks where I have tests for all my classes are tough.
Now to get to work because there’s a lot to do. I hope you are all doing well and have a good day.
I’ve been letting my anxiety beat me lately. I’ve actually been skipping class because of it. Now I am not a person to skip class, I only skip when I feel terrible. That is of course the anxiety making me feel terrible. I’ve been fighting back though. I don’t want to let my anxiety control my life.
On Thursday I almost skipped my Korean class, because that’s my most anxiety inducing class, but I didn’t skip. I fought back. Even if I do feel extremely anxious the entire class period. My hands sweat so freaking badly when I feel anxious. I actually had to keep a paper towel in my hands to dry off all the sweat. It’s not like I can just wipe them off and it’s done. My hands keep sweating and it doesn’t stop. It’s hard to write when your hands are all sweaty. The physical symptoms of anxiety are the worst.
In abnormal psych we finally started talking about the disorders. The first chapter of disorders was anxiety disorders. I think I know a thing or two about anxiety disorders. I actually skipped my psych class on Thursday because I got hit with a major anxiety attack. It hit me out of no where and it was scary. No matter how many of these I get, they still scare me…
Linguistics is freaking amazing! It keeps getting better and better. I don’t know why so few people seem to study it. It’s the most interesting subject I’ve ever seen. I never thought I’d see the day where I actually enjoy going to a class. I actually have fun doing my linguistics homework. I also never thought I’d see the day where I found a subject I would like. I always felt so hopeless because there was nothing I was interested in, but now I may have something.
You want to know something odd? I didn’t feel anxious during a situation that would usually cause my anxiety and it felt so strange. I was thinking, is this how normal people feel? Then I actually started feeling anxious because I didn’t feel anxious. What is up with that!? Anxiety is such a difficult thing to get rid of. It’ll always find ways to bring itself back.
I’ve been feeling like I haven’t been taking school seriously enough. I feel like I’m putting forth very little effort. Like I don’t care enough. Well not with Linguistics, I care about that a lot. But surprisingly, I haven’t been doing too badly. I’m getting more and more motivated to do better. I’m starting to get more serious and to care more. I guess it just takes me a while to really get back into school mode.
I haven spent way too long writing this. I keep editing it and rewriting stuff. I guess I’d better go now, bye I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
“When you’re fighting mental illness like you are, you’re fighting a silent battle. No one sees just how hard you’re constantly having to fight. No one else knows the pain and the inner turmoil like you do. You should be proud of yourself, even when you feel like you’re failing. I think anyone fighting a mental illness deserves a Medal of Honor, because that fight is real and its more difficult than most people realize.”—Debbie, the anxiety group therapist at valley (via wayward-fay)
It's time for that again! Random ramblings about college yayyyy
College is going well for the most part. I hate 50% of my classes and I love 50% of my classes, so I guess all in all that’s not too bad. I 100% hate my schedule. I was lucky the first 2 semesters, but I knew I wouldn’t be lucky all the time. Unfortunately there are going to be some terrible schedules in my college life and this is one of them.
The 2 classes that I hate are Korean and astronomy. I hate astronomy because it’s so boring. I had no idea it was going to be that boring. However, it’s taught by a grad student and he tends to get done with class 30 minutes early, so it kind of makes up for it. I hate Korean because for one thing my amazing Korean professor left and I got a new one. She’s nice, but it’s just not the same. We were reviewing last years material and this lady loves to make us talk out loud. I’m trying to control my anxiety the entire freaking time. She also loves calling on you and making you talk. These are not things I’m good with. It’s very difficult to concentrate in class and keep myself from having an anxiety attack at the same time. I really hope that once she starts teaching the actual material next week that this being called on thing will quiet down. Either that or it gets easier, since the material will be fresh and in my head. There’s a part of me that keeps telling myself it’s exposure therapy, so maybe it’ll get easier if I keep doing it. I really hope so because as of right now, everyone in that class including my professor must be wondering why the heck I’m there. Since whenever she calls on my I appear to have no comprehension of the Korean language. I can barely speak English in front of people for goodness sake. This is a good depiction of me in Korean class right now
Now the two classes I love are linguistics and abnormal psychology. There’s no being called on and I highly approve. I love classes where you sit down, you listen to the lecture, you take notes, and you leave. It’s very systematic and I know for sure what’s going to happen. Linguistics and psychology are both like this. I had no idea I was going to love Linguistics so much, I mean I’ve only been to 3 classes, but it sure is interesting. I went into this semester seriously contemplating ditching my linguistics idea and going straight on psychology, but now that idea is pretty much gone. Linguistics is great, it’s exactly what I want to do. At least as far as I can tell, the class just started, so I can only hope that it stays on the path I want it to.
Now I’m not even going to lie, I literally had a moment like this on the 2nd day of school.
Some guy asked me about Pokémon since I was wearing a Pokémon shirt and I think I did pretty well talking to him. Now granted it wasn’t perfect and it only lasted a minute, but it was something. It’s a shame we aren’t in the same class…maybe I could have talked to him some more.
I also saw my friend and we got a change to chat for a while, so I guess this year is off to a good start??? I don’t know. I hate to be too optimistic….we’ll see what happens. I had better go and work on my homework, I’ve spent way too long typing all of this. I hope all of you guys are having a good start to the school year as well, bye for now.
I said I’d post my OCs here, so that’s what I’m going to do. I already posted this OC on my deviantart, but I figured why not post it here too.
So to start off this OC thing, I present to you my Attack on Titan OC!
Name: Callista Kouri
Height: 5’ 3’’
Blood Type: AB
Young Callista – A very cheerful person, but also very timid. She has a strong belief that it is her duty to help people. However, she’s not very good at it. She gets frightened easily and the sight of blood makes her ill. She’s also very clumsy and gets lost easily. She does have a strong sense of independence, and doesn’t like it when she has to rely on other people. She can overcome her fears at times.
Older Callista: A stern yet kind person. She no longer held any fear and instead fought with courage. She still believes it is her duty to help people. She has a very strong sense of hearing and touch. She has developed an amazing memory. Her sense of smell is also very strong, so the smell of blood still makes her ill, but she has learned to fight against it.
In the distant past while walking home one night, Callista found a wounded Levi in an alleyway. Callista had always believed it was her duty to help people, so despite her fears, she dragged him into an old abandoned house and bandaged him up. He was unconscious the entire time, and she had planned to leave before he woke up. He started to awake, and Callista hid behind an old wardrobe. Levi noticed her and told her to come out. Callista was terrified and slowly came out from where she was hiding. Levi looked at her and stood up, walking past her to the door. On his way out, he said thank you and left.
It wasn’t until the army school that they met again. Callista had never intended to meet him again, but she always wondered who he was and what had happened to him. When she realized he was also in the army school, she approached him. Levi was just as shocked as she was, if not more. At first he brushed her off, calling her extremely weak. But despite his harsh attitude towards her, they grew to know each other. However, they did keep an air of distance between them.
A few months after they both graduated, they were sent on a mission to clear a path way outside the walls. Callista wasn’t a very good solider, but she did have a strong sense of duty. During the mission, everyone around her was dying. Callista was filled with fear and started to run away to try and save her life. She didn’t like feeling helpless; it tore her apart, her cowardice. While running away, she saw Levi who was still fighting. She was amazed by his high level of skill. While watching him, she a titan walk into an old abandoned stone building, causing it to collapse. Pieces of rocks became to fly everywhere and Callista saw Levi was directly in the path of one of them. In order to avoid the titans who were attacking him, he was forced to fly in the direction of the flying rocks. Callista knew that losing someone as skilled as Levi would hurt the humans fighting power. Callista flew over to in front of him and blocked the rocks from hitting him. This caused an injury which made her blind. Levi saw her and was shocked. Levi couldn’t hold off the titans, he grabbed Callista and together they retreated back behind the walls.
When Callista got hurt from protecting Levi, he felt extremely guilty. Callista told him not to be, or to worry about her. It was her duty to protect the living. Callista could no longer be a soldier with her injury.
Before Callista got on the boat to go back home, Levi slipped a note into her hand. The note had been written in such a way that Callista could feel it. It simply said thank you.
Callista hated her new way of life. She hated feeling like a burden. One day she heard a group of solders coming back from a mission that had failed. They had retreated and left three of their men to die. Callista couldn’t stand this and snuck through the gates. Callista knew the area they had been as she had practiced there many times before. Callista realized upon running to the area, that her others senses had grown to make up for her lost sight. She found one of the soldiers dead and put on his maneuver gear. Callista could use her sense of hearing to locate the titans. Using her instinct and new found courage, she managed to kill the two titans in the area. Callista saved the two remaining soldiers and together they went back behind the walls.
It was there that she met Levi, who had been sent to finish the mission the other soldiers had failed to accomplish. Levi was amazed to see that Callista had killed the titans. During their time apart, Callista and Levi had both realized how much they missed one other. Levi decided to arrange for Callista to be readmitted into the army, and to join his squad.
The other day I was thinking about all of my OC’s that I’ve created over the years. Not the ones from my own personal stories, but the ones that I make for already existing stories. Like my Kuroshitsuji OC, or Bleach OC. I started making OC’s like this when I was around 12 I think. It’s become a very big part of my life. I love making OCs. It’s my favorite thing to do. I spend hours and hours putting their stories together. I have no idea how many OCs I’ve made over the years. I think the first 2 OCs I ever made were for Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. Wow did I spend a lot of time on those OCs and I still remember their stories.
Okay, so what’s my point in all of this OC talk? Well I started writing down each of my OCs own individual stories. I spend so much time on them and I certainty don’t want to forget them over the years. I’d like to document all of them. I love each and every one of them. Now I’m not writing each of them an entire fan fiction, just a character outline.
That’s where the new project comes in. It occurred to me that since I love these OCs so much, I’d like to share them with other people. I’m going to be completing these character outlines and sharing them on here. I’m not sure if anyone even cares about all these OCs, but at least I have a place where I documented their existence.
I’m not exactly sure when this is going to start happening. Probably at the beginning of next week. I already have one character outline pretty much complete and it’s for my Kuroshitsuji OC. So she will be first. Also these character outlines will include a picture of the OC.
This is more for myself than anyone…but who knows someone else might think my OCs are interesting.
That’s it I think, good night everyone sweet dreams